Have you read Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep: The Story of Sara? If so, we encourage you to post your comments here.
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Dear Reader – The following book response is from a life-long, very close childhood friend of Sara’s. Jamie has known Sara well since a very early age.
Dear Sara….
All through the book I kept thinking. How could I not have known? If I had only known.
I remember so many things, like you biting your nails to the point of them appearing to be infected at times. I knew it had to hurt and didn’t understand why you continued to do it.
I remember how nervous you would get before you sang a solo, or before getting to go somewhere with the youth group (like church camp), but remember you not being allowed to go to church camp very often.
The one I do remember is when you were dating a church friend of ours. I remember making some comment about you holding hands with him, and how you ‘freaked out’ on me, begging me not to say anything to your dad. Why did I not pick up on these things?
I remember you meeting me in the bathroom at church just prior to my wedding day. You were crying and telling me you weren’t allowed to go to the sleep-over party I had planned for after my wedding shower, with the rest of us. It seemed like it was a last minute decision on your dad’s part. But when I asked why, you said you couldn’t talk about it. Why did I not press the issue?
I remember you calling me on the phone, just a week before I got married, to tell me you couldn’t sing in my wedding afterall – because you had run away from home. You were crying so hard I could barely understand you. I asked if your mother knew where you were and you said, “Yes,” but to please not ask you any questions. So I didn’t. Why didn’t I press the issue?
I remember your dad going before the church congregation to ask forgiveness for ‘something’ he had done (though he didn’t say what), and telling the congregation, “Don’t ask me, my wife or my children questions.” So I didn’t. Again, why didn’t I press the issue?
I remember us flying in our pastor’s airplane down to Texas to vist your sister, and not being able to fly back the next night because of bad weather. You got upset because you said your dad was going to be really mad if you didn’t’ get home. I remember your dad telling you (over the phone), that you were going to have to take the bus home; and I remember our pastor getting on the phone and calming him down, telling him you would be home the next day after the weather cleared. Again, why did I not question why it was such a big deal for you to get back home immediately?
I cried on my way to work one morning, in the middle of reading your book, and thinking, if I had only known I could have told my daddy and he would have rescued you in a heart beat. Why didn’t I see it?
I know that your story will touch the lives of all who read it, Sara….maybe walk them through forgiving. If I had not already learned to forgive my grandfather, your words would have helped me to get there. Even though I have forgiven, knowing that I’m not the only one who cannot forget, and therefore have to forgive over and over again, is a blessing. Thank you for that.
Thank you for being brave and honest and true. Thank you for giving God all the honor and glory for you being where you are now in life. Thank you for being you!
Love ya bunches and bunches!!!!!!
Jamie
Author Jen Miller has the incredible ability to pull a reader into the story of Sara. As Sara yearned for freedom from abuse, she continued to pray, knowing that her prayers would be answered. It wasn’t until Sara’s first marriage failed and the subsequent realization that she needed to reconnect with her family that she was able to confront her abusive father. A constant theme in NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP is the abusive power that people in authority possess over the powerless.
Dear Reader: The following is a response from another life-long, close friend of Sara’s (and Jamie’s), who was raised with Sara in the church they attended, literally from birth.
Dear Sara -
As I read this book, by candlelight last evening, through a thunderstorm on our hilltop, it was hard to set it aside in order to get some rest for the night. As I awoke this morning, I picked up the book to complete the remaining chapters.
In completing the reading of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: The Story of Sara, so many emotions swelled up inside of me. Through this inspired reading, God showed me the generations of children that are impacted – along with children to come – by the ungodly, satanic, crude, indifferent, obscene, callous, primitive, vulgar, barbaric, uncivilized… molesters of life. It is time to rise up and follow the guidance of God, as you have, in order to be free, free at last, a healing of a generation and generations to come.
To God be the glory for delivering you; for preserving a princess. Also, I praise His Holy name and lift Him up high and holy for the preservation of the souls of your silblings (my friends), Allie, Matt, John, and Wayne.
As you continued to hold on to the only true, firm, foundation in your life, the Son of God, I praise His name and I thank Him for the ‘manna’ He supplied you.
As you became a mature woman, I’m thankful you were obedient in following God’s will for your life. I pray that each individual who reads Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: the story of Sara, will be impressed to broadcast this book, a tool to true freedom – a best seller in my eyes, a gift from God Almighty to those who will choose to reach for Jesus, to turn to Jesus, to see Jesus, to walk with Jesus, the Son of God.
Thank you for being obedient, Sara… and Jen.
I love you -
Virginia
What do I say about this book? I have known and loved Sara for many, many years. I have also spent many hours in conversation with her about her past. Being a private person, I was very concerned when I heard that she was allowing her story be written ~ a story so intensely personal. I have nothing but admiration for her. Very few people have been allowed insight into Sara’s life since she is also a completely private person. But, I sincerely believe this book is Spirit driven.
Jen Miller writes this story with integrity and extreme sensitivity. She helps others with similiar situations and backgrounds know that there is a Light at the end of their personal tunnel. That Light is God. He delivers All.
Jen and I have talked, and we both believe if this book only delivers one person from their own personal hell, then the telling of Sara’s story will have been worth it.
I hope everyone reads this book with an open heart and an open mind, and realizes there are many “Saras” out in the world. They don’t wear signs around their necks shouting out their stories. And, please have compassion for the one who was brave enough to give us just a glimpse of her story and shows us how faith, courage, and the everlasting love of God can sustain us through anything.
Jen,
I just finished reading your book. I just started reading it yesterday afternoon and found it so hard to put down. It was not an easy read [emotionally], by any means, because it made me furious at the injustice of what Sara endured for so many years. I was telling my husband about it and just started sobbing while relaying the torture that Sara went through.
I love the pearl analogy and now see Sara as the most beautiful pearl in the world.
Our God is a miracle worker and quite obviously worked a miracle in Sara’s life – and I’m so glad He did.
Thank you for sharing Sara’s story. I’m sure the book will help many others.
This book shows the amazing power of God and how He can TOTALLY change the outcome of someone’s life. Had Sara not placed her total faith in God, she would have never been able to over-come her abusive childhood.
God is showing all of us His power and grace through this book. How can we not place our faith and trust in Him and become all that we can be?
This a great story of hope and encouragement for everyone!
Dear Jen,
Cory and I cried as we skimmed through the book. We were overtaken with the awesomeness that we were able to share in this entire process with you. Cory’s words as he briefly thumbed through the pages, picking up lines here and there were, “It’s going to be a best seller.”
I attended three of the live presentations of Sara’s story, and have discussed in detail, through our many personal conversations, the story of Sara’s life. I began to read the book as best I could – as if I did not know the story, as if I had never heard it before. This wasn’t easy to do, but somehow I managed. Even with my foreknowing the details of events and circumstances, I could not put the book down.
It made me angry…all over again, and sickened by the horror Sara faced for a lifetime. It made me laugh and cry. It put me through the intense roller coaster of emotions once again. Chapter by chapter the anticipation grew…as if I didn’t know the outcome of Sara’s life. It held my interest, and my thoughts. Your use of similes were extravagant and they painted a graphic picture in my mind. Your writing was cohesive and expressive in every sense. Your literary style flowed like a gentle current taking me smoothly one page to the next.
Just like the presentation, the book, too, told Sara’s story with the utmost respect for her abuser. Your careful and gracious revelation of his injustice to Sara is apparent. You did not smear him in any way. As I read, I saw the stark realities of what he perpetrated against Sara, but you penned these abuses with nobility of character. You spoke truth, not out of hatred or disregard for his humanity, and that is glaringly evident in your choice of revealing his crimes in your powerful and altruistic style. You clearly took the high road in every line, phrase, paragraph and page.
The contrast of Sara’s earthly father and her heavenly Father is so critically important and necessary for the reader to be exposed to. It creates fertile soil of their heart when given the outcome of Sara’s life and her recognition and understanding that her life is fulfilled by her heavenly father. This will not be missed on the reader, they will see that they, too, have a loving, nurturing and respectful Abba Father. I love that part of it…I love that so many wounded women, and girls, men and boys will see that, while they also may have been or are presently being rejected/abused by the man/women who gave them life, or raised them, NOTHING can separate them from the love of God. That message is wonderfully clear and those lives that parallel Sara’s by similar circumstances will see the hope they have for relationship and fellowship with their “real” father, Father God.
Oh, the never ending mercies of our God, so rich and manifest throughout the entire book. The demonstrative and lavish way you wrote of His never ending mercies, His love, His transforming and redemptive power. The book set out by God’s divine hand and instruction, will accomplish that which He intends it to. Just as Sara has embraced the word from Isaiah 61, I see the book setting the captives free, binding up the broken hearted….Praise our God!!!
It is simply and complicatedly perfect in every way, Jen!!! It is a masterpiece and a brilliant reflection of the One true and living God. It is more than a story of hope, or something to cling to, more than a speck in the sea of self-help publications. It is life renewing and transforming. The Spirit of the Lord is upon this work and will move beyond the cognition of the reader, and will minister to the core of each person, reaching directly into their spirit. It will cause a communion with their Creator that they have never known before. It will set them free, to believe, that ALL things are possible with God. It will leave the demons running in despair.
Thank you, Lord for this act of obedience. God’s glory is revealed in our obedience!!! Thank you, Jen / Sara, for the sacrifice, for the vulnerability, for the relentless work and effort you gave to make this happen. For Sara taking the incredible risk to lay her life out there for the entire world to see. It will be worth more than you / she could ever imagine or fathom. It is an eternal work.
I am just so humbly pleased to be a part of this. I have been so hungry for something more, something real, something tangible for people to be able to see the unwavering grace of our loving Father, and your book makes way for people to see the true face of a loving God. Your ministry, at the end of the book, sparked new hope of His love and mercy in my own life.
Here, in the Speciale house, each and every one has rejoiced over having the book in our hands, in our home. Even the youngest asked one question after another; at the age of three she can feel the buzz of excitement we share with you, Jen, our dear and eternal friend.
What a story of hope and fulfillment. Thank you again for giving of yourself to bring wholeness to God’s people for such a time as this. I just can’t say enough!
I just have to say, I’ve not quite finished reading this book, but like so many others it is a very hard book to put down. I’m not much of a reader, but true stories (biographies/autobiographies), are what I enjoy reading the most.
I have to admit, I’m reading this story through a little different eyes than some of the other postings. Although I’ve only met “Sara” once, maybe twice, I’m very acquainted with her family – mostly her brothers – through my husband, John, who grew up with Sara’s brothers in that same fundamentalist church [you wrote about]. The parts that I’ve read and have shared with John… he just shakes his head and can’t believe that could happen right under the nose of a church and no one was there to help her. What a shame. But, like we shared with “Matt” and his wife, what is sad is the fact that that generation didn’t ever see the need to apologize to their kids, and they saw nothing wrong with that kind of discipline (the whippings – there’s NO EXCUSE for any type of abuses….NONE!)
Jen- I also believe that the Lord allowed you to pen Sara’s story because you got your heart and motives right for the purpose of sharing this story with others; so that HE may be glorified and her story can be used to show others that there is healing. It’s an awesome thing when the Lord has a purpose and once we get on board with our heart and our motives and they align with HIM, that is when HE really uses us in order to touch the lives of others. Ditto to Robyn Speciale’s comments about the writing and the flow of the story – you did a magnificent job!!!!!
I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you on this new journey in your many ministries!!! God Bless you, “Sara”!!!! MMc
Dear Jen,
Hello! It is an honor to write to you!!!
Our mutual dear friend and my partner in the music ministry at Geyer Springs First Baptist Church, Laura O’Kelley, loaned me a copy of your book. In fact, the Lord prompted her to pass it along to me after last Wednesday night’s rehearsal for worship this Sunday.
When I read the name Sara in the book’s title I was immediately intrigued. You see, the name “Sarah” has always been very dear to my heart. First of all…I simply love the name! However, the name Sarah took on a special significance to me in light of specific promises the Lord made to me as I examined the life of Abram’s Sarai…upon whom God bestowed the name “Sarah” when He made specific promises to her. During my “infertile” years ( my husband and I were childless for 11 of our 23 years of marriage ) the Holy Spirit brought to me time and again Sarah’s example of FAITH in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Well…….the short version of my story is that after dropping the name Casey into my heart near the beginning of my long journey through infertility, the Lord presented to us the opportunity to adopt (in an open adoption…where we met the birth mother ) a newborn baby boy (born one week before Christmas! ) whose birth mother’s biological maiden name is CASEY! So….I am familiar with how God imprints certain names upon our hearts!
What does this have to do with Sarah? Well……….five years ago…the Lord dropped another name in my heart. I truly believed I would conceive in my womb and give birth to another child…a girl. And…I was planning to name her Sarah Rose. I said “w a s”…as I am presently two weeks out from having a total hysterectomy!!! Obviously…when I realized that I needed to have this surgery my dreams for little “Sarah Rose” were dashed. What’s going on here, Lord??? I thought you gave me this name for the little girl you were planning to give me! Well…you get the picture! So…imagine my surprise when Laura handed me your book and there it was again…that beautiful name…S a r a.
Well…I went to bed that night planning to wake up early the next morning and read the book before meeting Laura for lunch ( last Thursday, July 3 ). As it turned out…I woke up at 3:00 a.m., making myself a cup of hot tea to sip on as I began reading your book. And what COURAGE it took for you to share about the nightmare you endured from early childhood through your teenage years, and the aftermath of how the Lord began to heal and restore the places of devastation in your sweet life!!! Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus that has carried you, precious Jen, all these years!!! Thank you for giving Him the Glory He for all He has done for you in setting you free from that awful prison! “My Help” has been YOUR Help, too!!!
And so…back to my reading your book…. Reaching the climactic end in which you identify Sara’s spiritual name – telling how God gave her the spiritual name ‘Sara’ – I immediately began to sob from deep within my soul…weeping…mixed with the joy of laughter…realizing that the name God dropped in my heart — SARAH ROSE — w a s f o r M E. It is MY name….
It is a name that holds significance because of new, specific promises God announced to me 5 years ago…November of 2003. Part of this promise is that He will restore MY PLACES long-devasted. I will…as Isaiah 35:1-2 says…”BLOOM as a rose in the desert.” Yes…this ‘Sarah Rose’ has a hope and a future. I do not have a womb…but…I will receive new treasures from God’s own secret place. And………..I can’t wait!!!
THANK YOU, Jen, for being obedient to the Spirit’s leading and sharing with the world Sara’s story of hope and deliverance! May God continue to richly bless your life as you look to Him in every thing!
Love,
Pam Wessel
Sara, there are a few things I remember of those early years. The trip to our aunt’s house is the most vivid of those memories. Sitting in the back seat of the car listening to you and Mama talk and cry, I asked several times what was wrong and got the same answer repeatedly, “You wouldn’t understand.”
Somewhere in my teen years I would learn what had happened to you. The same anger I felt then revisited me as I read your book.
Although I was too young to know what was happening then Sara, I am here for you now and will always remain your buddy-pal. – Wayne
Jen
I am sorry I have taken so long to send this to you. I read your book the first day after I received it. You are a true inspiration to me.
You have walked with and obeyed God. He will bless you in many ways. As you know I have suffered abuse as well, which we have discussed many times. I know that the Lord has brought you into my life to show me how the healing and forgiving can begin. And as we have discussed, it is a matter of forgiving over and over again. Forgetting will be the hardest part. Thank you for being my friend and confident. Thank you for sharing this difficult story with the world. GOD IS GOOD!
Melody Brand
Jen – We have a mutual friend, Laura O’Kelley, and I feel like I already know you. She gave me a copy of your book and I couldn’t get through it quickly enough. It was amazing! And I am so in awe of the way God is using you!
As I read the book, I felt your pain, anguish, helplessness – it was an amazing read! But as you put your hideous existence into words, you did a wonderful job showing that Jesus was who enabled you to overcome the dreadful nightmare you lived.
Laura told me to read the book; that it would “end okay,” and that there would be a “rest of the story” after I finished it. Well, as I began reading the forward, etc, I guessed the “rest of the story” and realized that you must be one of her “nursery girlfriends.” Knowing that there was a possibility that this book was about someone my friend knew made it even more horrific. Sweet friend – my heart goes out to you, but I am in awe of how God has made you strong enough to even function everyday. It has to be God for sure!
Thanks again for such a wonderful book and for sharing it with the world. It must have been brutal to go through all of the memories, etc, but I am convinced, it was a God thing and it will be incredibly helpful to many people. Hang on to that sweet Jen!!! God is with you! And He is so much bigger than even the unspeakable torture you were forced to live!!! You are a shining example of that daily!!! Bless you.
In His Love,
Gay
Dear Jen,
Praise God for your amazing faith in Him especially through these nightmare producing storms in your life. Thank you for following God’s Will for you by sharing your story. Our mutual friend Pat E. suggested this book to me in hopes that it would assist me in my healing journey and Jen it has opened my eyes. There are many similarities at times in both of our lives and your wisdom and use of God’s Word has provided freedom. God bless you and thank you for blessing my heart and reminding me that God is my choice and that He will carry me through the storms. I hope that someday we will have a chance to meet so I can thank you in person, but if that day never comes here on earth I meet you in our Heavenly Kingdom where all our pain will be gone.
In Christ’s Love,
Sydni Gauwitz
Dear Jen,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have given women everywhere, including myself, faith and hope that they too can overcome any trial and tribulation that they may face whether it be now or in their past. I was raised in a cult-like religion by my mentally abusive Jekyll-Hyde mother until I broke free when I turned eighteen. It has taken me almost fifteen to eighteen years to break free from the fear and “brainwashing” that was bestowed upon me during my childhood and to break free from family members with “sick” minds. I hope everyone has a chance to read this incredible story. Thank you for showing me and women everywhere that we can do more than just survive-we can thrive.
God Bless,
Christina Reliford
Hello, Jennie
Your Book, wow, a powerful book from a powerful person. I should have known. Hindsight is a monster that comes up bites you latter. I think the wall we sat on at high school represents the walls if our own abuses.
Everything is part of Gods divine plan. You’re a blessing to many people and will be for many more. Thank you for being my friendm too. Thank you for being my sister in Christ.
Bobby
(High School Best Friend)